I've been working on this for four years, this is my first complete revision, one chapter at a time, so please gve me constructive criticism. Be as harsh as you like.

The Sea Captain: Revised

Prologue

“Still the sails!” A sailor cried as the ship pulled into port. Captain Ben Shanty looked at his homeport fondly. It was his port, as of the last time he had stopped there; he had finally raised enough money to buy his favorite jetty. The wood was a lovely dark brown, even when it was dry, and the nails were iron. Unlike the ports nearby, this one was made stronger and more durable. The smaller, more lithe crewmembers clambered off the ship by shimmying down some of the mooring ropes. It was their job to secure the ropes on the ship and tie the ship to the docks when they arrived. Ben did not want to waste any money by hiring people onshore to tie the ropes.
After a few minutes, the gangplank was lowered and secured. Ben was the last to leave the ship, after making sure all the jobs were completed to the fullest. He never left anything halfway done. As the crew left the ship, he heard shouts go up from the crowd as they reached their families. He smiled, thinking of how his mother and betrothed had reacted when he returned home from his first travel as captain. His mother had waved her handkerchief in the air and cried while his betrothed, Sarah who was now his wife, had run into his arms. This time was going to be different, however. They had arrived back in England two weeks behind schedule. Sarah would not be happy about that.
As he walked down the gangplank, he searched the crowd for signs of his family. The crew had made a semicircle to allow him to give any last minute orders before they were released until the next voyage. A small, blond-headed boy was squirming to the front of the crowd. Ben smiled.
He stepped down into the crowd and the boy ran and squeezed his legs in a tight hug.
“Papa!” the little boy yelled. The overenthusiastic little boy was William, Ben’s son and youngest child. William was about five years old and already favored his dad. The only difference between the two of them was William’s freckles. His face was peppered with light brown freckles, which covered his face to the point where some people thought he was Spanish. Ben chuckled and patted William’s back. A woman who was fairly slim stepped toward him. She was not very tall, with light brown hair and dark blue eyes. There were no more freckles, but a creamy white complexion. Her hands were rough and gentle, like a mother’s should be. She smelled of homemade bread, like a housewife should. Behind her skirt was a young girl about eight years old, who looked like her mother, except her eyes were bright morning blue. The woman smiled and curtsied for Ben.
“Good morrow, Captain Shanty.” The woman said. Ben smiled and pulled her to him.
“Good morrow, dear wife.” he said, mockingly and kissed her. William made a face and Beth blushed and giggled. Ben’s wife stood dutifully beside him as the sailors greeted her. Once all of them had gathered in a mob on the boardwalk, Ben’s wife turned her attention to her husband.
“Where have you been? You told me you’d be here three weeks ago. I had a dinner planned with the Baron and his family, but I had to cancel.” Ben’s wife looked very annoyed.
“Sarah, I—“ he was cut off.
“I know, you met bad weather and pirates are getting more outspoken. Oh, don’t forget the time you landed on an island inhabited by cannibals. Hah! Cannibals! Who would believe such nonsense?” Sarah looked genuinely, yet sadistically amused.
“Hello Captain Shanty! Good day Mrs. Shanty. Is it not a pleasure to be back here in our own country?” The first mate had walked over when he saw a fight brewing and conveniently entered into the conversation.
“Good morrow, Mr. Longstaff. How is your family?” Sarah asked politely.
“Oh, they’re fine, thank you. Actually, My sons are coming over here. Joseph, John, say hello to Captain Shanty and his family.” The two boys, one nine and one ten, muttered greetings under their breath.
“William, how about you go play with Joseph and John?” Ben pushed his son forward to the two older boys. Joseph took William’s hand and led him away. John looked at his brother like he was crazy to play with a five year old, but followed him nonetheless. Ben and Mr. Longstaff struck up a friendly conversation. Sarah stood dutifully next to her husband while he talked of other possible shipments. Beth watched her brother play with Joseph and John, wishing she could join them, but it was not proper for a girl to play with her brother and his friends. Finally, Ben said goodbye to his first mate, gathered his family and headed for home.
Ben’s house was surrounded by a large yard. And the large yard was surrounded by a fence. As soon as he entered his yard, he swept William up in the air and ran into his house.
“Home at last!” he said under his breath. Sarah walked in.
“The house seems smaller when you are here.” she said. “Maybe it’s because you fit into it so well.” She smiled at him. “How about we fix a banquet tonight, Beth. We don’t have to invite anyone, just celebrate the return of the man of the house.” Beth smiled and nodded.
Ben picked his daughter up. “Come on, girl. Laugh.” Beth smiled. Ben tickled her, and she began to laugh, just a giggle at first, but soon, an all out laugh.
Sarah and Beth prepared the banquet and Ben told William about his adventures on the sea. The banquet was laid out on the table, and the family sat down to enjoy the meal. After the dinner, Ben pulled out his flute and began to play a little song. He played one of Beth’s favorites, a fast and lively song. William tried to play it, but he huffed and he puffed, but he could not get a sound to come out of the flute. A knock was heard on the front door. Sarah answered the door. A young man was standing there.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
“Yes, madam. I am looking for Captain Shanty. Does he reside here?” the young man asked, bowing to Sarah.
Ben walked to the door. “Yes he does.”
The man bowed to Ben. “The king wishes you to meet him at the docks, sir.”
Ben looked confused. “When would the king like to meet with me?”
“Now, sir.”
“Thank you, young man. I shall be ready in a moment.” He closed the door and turned to Sarah. “What does the king want with me at this time of night?” he asked. Ben grabbed his coat and rushed out of the door. William and Beth played with their Noah’s Ark toy chest. Sarah cleaned off the table and began to wash the dishes.
Ben hurried along the lamp-lit street. When he reached the docks, the king was standing with his back to him. He appeared to be holding something.
Ben did not want to startle the king, who seemed to be deep in thought. “Your majesty.” he said, bowing low. The king did not turn around for a few minutes. Ben’s back was beginning to hurt. King Jonathan finally turned around. He was holding a baby.
“You may rise,” the king said. “I have an… errand I want you to run for me.”
“An errand, sire?”
“Yes. I want you to take this child and dump him into the ocean, far enough away for his body never to be found.” Ben was appalled.
“Why, sir?”
“This child should never have been born. He stands a threat to the throne of England.”
“How would this innocent babe stand a threat to the throne?”
“You know I have two sons.”
“Yes.”
“Well, now I have three.”
“But, your majesty, Queen Megan has not been pregnant for years.”
“Exactly.” the king looked away.
Ben slowly came to understanding. “So, if you don’t mind my asking, who is this boy’s mother?”
King Jonathan sighed. “Widow Cooper.” Ben stared for a few moments, and then remembered it wasn’t polite to stare at a king. He knew he could not perform this act, but he told the king he would. How he would get out of this, he did not know.
Ben hurried home, holding the sleeping child in his arms.


End of Prologue

I promise more to come, unless you guys don't like it. Please read this!

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Hello? Is anyone going to take advantage of the no offense thing here? Please respond!!

Anyway, here's some more of the story

Chapter One
The Secret

“William! Get off of him!” Ben pulled William off of Jamie. Jamie was crying, with a black eye. William’s hair was ruffled, but was none the worse for wear.
“What has gotten into you, William?” Ben looked at his son.
William looked down. “He told me that he was secretly hoping his real family came to take him away so he wouldn’t have to do any chores. Ha! He doesn’t have to do any real work because you don’t want anyone to see him. I told him this, and he tried to shove me. I taught him a lesson about respecting his elders.”
Ben shook his head. “William, you need to understand that you are still just a boy. Jamie is younger than you, but he is also wanted dead by the king. I don’t want the king to find out that he’s still alive. Do you want him to be killed?” William shook his head. “Alright then, drop the subject. Jamie, how about you go help your sister with the dishes. William, keep splitting wood.” Ben looked around and saw only one older gentleman walking down the lane. Ben didn’t worry about him. Maybe he should have worried.
The older gentleman smiled as he rounded the corner. William saw him leave.
“Dad, did you see-?” William didn’t finish his question. Ben nodded and put a finger to his lips.
“Don’t tell your mother or anyone else. It could be nothing.”
The old man kept up a slow pace until he reached a bend in the road that hid him from Ben’s view. He put his cane down by the side of the road and started walking quickly and upright. He had been disguised. When he reached the castle, the guards let him in. The man headed straight for King Jonathan’s personal chambers. When he reached them, King Jonathan was talking to his eldest son, who was fourteen.
“When the peasants found out that your mother was pregnant again, they were celebrating all over the place. They were gathering in the streets and chanting our praises. Our family is adored by this country.” The man bowed low in front of the king and crown prince.
“Mr. Barnum, I wish to finish my conversation with my son. After that I shall send for you. Please wait outside.” Mr. Barnum bowed again and headed back into the hallway.
After a few minutes, a manservant brought Mr. Barnum back into the king’s parlor. “Mr. Barnum, what do you bring me today? Old ladies’ gossip, or did you actually find something of interest?” Mr. Barnum bowed low to the floor before he began speaking.
“I bring news of a certain young boy in the hands of Captain Shanty, sire. A boy I believe is not his child.” At this, King Jonathan shooed the servant out of the room.
“What news?” King Jonathan said. “And don’t waste time on manners.”
Mr. Barnum spoke with great care. “Well, I was walking by the Shanty home this afternoon, just to look in, and I saw his two boys fighting in the dirt. You know he has two, right?”
“No, I thought he only had one.”
“Well, apparently he has two. And he ran outside to break them up. I knew things were going to be said in the heat of the moment, so I pretended like I was stopping for rest. I made sure they wouldn’t take any notice of me. Well, the older boy, William is his name, was angry with the little one, Jamie, for not doing his share of the work. Captain Shanty told his William that Jamie could not be seen too much because he was wanted by the king. I believe he said you wished him dead.” King Jonathan sat back in his chair.
He could not believe that his child had survived all these years without him knowing. And apparently, Ben had told his family about his parentage, or at least he had told his wife. This could not happen. The problem would have to be eliminated. He looked at the man he had sent into the harbor town as his spy. He was just the man to make sure things went his way. King Jonathan slowly formulated a plan in his head.
After a few minutes of silence, the king spoke up again. “Mr. Barnum, I want you to find a group of guardsmen that will not ask questions are get to curious and I want you to take them to Widow Cooper’s house. Take her without too much fuss and bring her back here. She could know something about this situation.” Mr. Barnum nodded. A few moments passed. “What are you still standing there for? Go assemble the guards!” Mr. Barnum nodded and bowed again, then rushed out of the parlor and back through the corridor. He was already assembling a group of guards in his head.
Half an hour later, Barnum was outside the widow’s door, backed by a group of burly guards. He politely knocked on the door. When the widow answered, her eyes widened.
“May I help you, gentleman?” she asked, with a little bit of hysteria in her voice.
“Yes, Mrs. Cooper, I believe you can. Have you had any dealings with the Shanty family in the past, oh say, eight years?” Mr. Barnum asked, as if this was as natural as asking the time of day, or in this case night.
The widow took a step back into her home. “Why do you ask?”
Mr. Barnum smiled. He had struck gold. “The king finds the social life of peasants interesting and amusing. If you will be so kind as to accompany me back to the castle, I believe you might find some more information.” Mr. Barnum politely offered his arm, but Widow Cooper shook her head. “No? Oh, that’s a shame. I was hoping these men wouldn’t have to tire themselves tonight.” Mr. Barnum gestured to the men behind him. They quickly overtook the widow.
“Has anything happened to the Shanty family?” she asked.
Mr. Barnum smiled. “Not yet, Madam, but I assure you, something will be done.” With that, the guards put a gag over the woman’s mouth and led her off to the castle.
The king was waiting outside the castle walls for Mr. Barnum and his men. He noticed that Widow Cooper was with them. “Take her to the back door.” he told the guards. Mr. Barnum followed him into the castle through the main entrance. Queen Megan was waiting in the courtyard.
“Is everything all right?” she asked. King Jonathan took her hand.
“I assure you, wife, everything is just fine. You needn’t worry yourself. It’s just a silly matter among the peasants.” King Jonathan dropped his wife’s hand and led Mr. Barnum to the dungeon.
The king rushed to the guards, who were lying in a heap or, locked in a cell. “What happened here? I demand to know!” he bellowed. The bravest, yet most foolish, stepped forward.
“Well, sire. That woman tricked us. She started gagging, so we took of the gag. And then, sire, she bit my hand so hard, that she drew blood.” The guard showed his bleeding hand to the king. “After that, the rest of the guards tried to take her down, but she kept kicking and wrapping the irons around a bunch o’ necks. She’s not here, sire.” The other guards fell silent to see the king’s reaction.
“A widow, who was tied up, defeated six guards who have been military trained since they were eight or nine? Could you not hold her?” The guards all looked down at their feet. “Now she’s gone, thanks to you lot! You may have just doomed your country. Mr. Barnum,” here, the king turned to speak to the man behind him. “Please, show these men what happens when my orders are not followed to the letter.” Mr. Barnum drew his sword and sliced through the foolish guard’s neck. His head rolled to the floor.
King Jonathan looked pointedly into every man’s face. “Unless you want to end up like your friend here, I suggest you find the widow and kill her.” The guards all scrambled around, looking for their weapons. MR. Barnum stepped in front of the king.
“But, sire, don’t you need her to tell you that the boy Shanty is raising is yours?” King Jonathan looked at Mr. Barnum.
“She confirmed that when she tried to escape. If she goes to the Shanty house, then we know that she is warning them. Go and get there before she does. I trust you know a shortcut.” Mr. Barnum nodded. “Good, then go. If you can, kill her before she is spotted.” Mr. Barnum nodded and rushed out the door.

That's all for now. Don't make me post Chapter Two before anyone else replies to this.

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All right. It's been six months, and there have been no replies. *sigh* please, just reply, saying anything!!

Chapter Two
Escape

Widow Cooper ran like a madwoman through the streets. She listened closely for the sound of men shouting behind her. She could not believe her luck in escaping. Finally, she turned onto the street on which the Shanty’s made their home. Frantically, she rushed up to their door and banged as hard and as loud as she could.
Ben jumped up from his comfortable chair in the living room and hurried to the door. He opened it to Widow Cooper cowering on the doorstep. He grabbed the woman’s arm and pulled her inside.
“What’s going on?” he asked, in hushed tones.
“The king knows. He ordered me captured earlier today. I escaped. They’re looking for me, but they know. If they see me here, then they’ll know for sure.” Ben quickly closed the door and took the widow into the living room, where Sarah was standing, awaiting him.
“Widow Cooper? Are you all right?” Sarah asked, even though she had heard her shouting in the hallway. The widow was frantically chanting, “He knows. He knows.” under her breath. Sarah rushed off to the kitchen to prepare something for her hysterical guest.
Ben was trying to calm her down. “Mrs. Cooper, do they know you’ve escaped? Did they follow you?” Mrs. Cooper looked up, wide-eyed and nodded.
“They don’t know I’m here, if that’s what you’re asking.” Ben had to put his head right next to hers to hear her whispered words. William and Jamie appeared on the stairs.
“Dad, is everything all right?” William asked. Ben looked at his sons.
“William, wake up your sister. Tell her that we have to leave. Get everything you’ll need for a long sea voyage and pack it. Don’t waste time getting it organized; just move as quickly and as quietly as you can. And don’t light the oil lamps, just small candles.” William rushed upstairs, followed by Jamie.
Sarah came back into the living room with a cup of tea in her hand. She gave it to the widow, who took one long swallow. “Thank you. I did not mean to endanger your family.”
Ben shook his head. “Madam, we were already in danger.” With that, he heard shouts outside in the street. He looked at Sarah, who nodded and rushed off to their bedroom. William, Beth, and Jamie came downstairs, with William carrying a very large bag.
“What now, dad?” William asked. Ben looked at his three children.
“We wait for your mother, let Widow Cooper out the back door, then run for the harbor as fast as you can. Your mother and I will be behind you in running there, but look around to see which ships are fully stocked and which aren’t. Then, hide and wait for us, if we aren’t already there. If you don’t see us for quite a few minutes, get on the best ship without us.” Sarah came back in the room with a slightly smaller bag than the children’s. Ben offered his arm to Widow Cooper for her to stand up.
“I’m fine. I can get to the door myself. I don’t want to hinder you.” Widow Cooper took one last, long look at Jamie. “I’m surprised they haven’t found you out yet. You look just like him.” The widow quickly moved away from the family and out the door.
Jamie looked at Ben. “Dad, who does she think I look like?” he asked.
Ben and Sarah exchanged glances. “She thinks you look like the king. Now, we’ve got to get moving, so keep quiet.” As soon as he said those words, the sound of men shouting was heard. Ben hurried his family out the back door and into the street. Beth looked around.
“Where’s Widow Cooper?” she asked. The whole family stopped and looked around. Suddenly, the men’s voices stopped and a woman was heard screaming.
Sarah gasped. “I think we should move faster,” she said. And so they did.
After practically running for five minutes, they reached Ben’s dock. A ship was docked there, and Ben had William run aboard to see if it was stocked. When William came back, he told them that there was a large crew and enough provisions for almost two months. Ben nodded and the family quietly slipped onto the ship. Beth managed to glimpse the name of the ship, Elizabeth. She smiled.


Chapter Three
The Sailors

Early in the morning, Marcus Brown found himself falling out of his hammock onto the ship floor, which was rocking more than usual for the docks. Staggering as if drunk, he made his way up to the deck. The first thing he noticed was the ocean surrounding the ship on all sides. The next things he noticed were the five people of varying ages and genders sleeping on the bridge. Marcus ran back below deck for reinforcements, Joseph and John Longstaff. The rest of the crew began to wake up. Joseph ran up the stairs, closely followed by John and Marcus.
Ben got up when he heard the voices frantically coming up the stairs. He woke up his family, and they stood by the aft mast to meet the crew. He recognized the first two sailors.
“Mr. Longstaff?” he asked. Joseph looked at his brother.
“Sir, there are two Mr. Longstaff’s. Could you be more specific?” Joseph said.
Ben took a step closer to Joseph and John.
“Joseph” He nodded. “And John?” He nodded. “My goodness, Joseph, you look so much like your father. John too, though you favor your mother a right bit more than Joseph.”
“Thank you sir.” they said in unison.
“Sir,” Joseph started, “ You mentioned my father, and you know our names, but we have yet to learn yours.”
Ben cleared his throat. “Gentleman, I am Captain Benjamin Shanty. This is my wife Sarah, my daughter, Beth, and my two sons, William and Jamie. We are in desperate circumstances and sort of, took over and left.” Ben looked over the crew for a first mate. There was slim pickings.
“Joseph Longstaff shall be first mate. John Longstaff shall be crew manager. If you have any questions, talk to me.” The crew began to converse loudly amongst themselves. Joseph and John went to talk to Ben.
John spoke first. “Sir, what is a crew manager?”
Ben smiled. “It’s a job which I invented. The crew manager is in charge of the crew. Well, that’s not completely correct. You’ll be more like a representative of the crew. You’ll also decide which man does which job. Instead of first mate to the captain, you’re first mate to the crew.” John nodded and joined the crew. Joseph stood beside Ben while he talked to him.
“Sir, you are going to tell me about your family’s desperate circumstances, right?”
Ben nodded. “Yes, but not right now.” Joseph stood next to the crew.
“Now, my family has not been on a ship for a long voyage before, and none of us have been on the Elizabeth before. My daughter will need separate rooms and my sons can stay with the crew, as long a they don’t pick up any foul language. MY wife and I will stay in the captain’s quarters, of course. John, if you could lead them to their rooms, that would be wonderful.” John nodded and motioned for the rest of Ben’s family to follow him.
Once his family was gone, Ben stood in front of the sailors, his arms by his side, looking very important and professional.
“I want you all to know that we’re not murderers and you will eventually be paid for this voyage. Another thing, most of the time, I like to know my sailors a little bit before the start of the voyage. Unfortunately, I’ve not had the chance to speak with each of you individually. I want you all to come forward, one at a time, state your name and where you’re from. Starting with you.” Ben pointed to Marcus. Marcus nervously stepped forward.
“Sir, I’m Marcus Brown. I’m from Sinkleton.”
“Thank you, Mr. Brown. Next.”
Marcus interrupted him. “Sir, Mr. Brown is my father. Please, call me Marcus, or Marc.” Marcus smiled, his white teeth contrasting his dark face.
Ben smiled. “All right, Marcus. Next.” A tall, sturdy man with dark hair, eyes, and complexion stepped forward.
“My name’s Nicholas Jones. I’m from Spain.” Nicholas began to walk away.
Ben stopped him. “ Excuse me, Mr. Jones, where in Spain are you from?”
Nicholas glared at Ben. “The coast.” he said, and shrugged Ben’s hand off of his arm. Ben let him go, but watched him carefully as he walked away.
“Next.” For a moment, no one stepped forward, but after that moment, a skinny sailor dressed in clothes three sizes too large stepped forward. “What’s your name?” Ben asked, towering over the sailor.
“Thomas, sir.” The sailor said in a fairly high-pitched voice.
Ben looked more closely at the sailor. Underneath a large hat, he saw reddish-brown hair with the appearance and sterility of dried blood, yet light-green eyes, the color of leaves when the sun shines through them. Those green eyes were surrounded by long eyelashes and thin eyebrows.
“Well, Thomas, you’d be very pretty if you were a girl. What’s your last name?” Ben asked, a few laughs spreading through the crew.
Thomas couldn’t find his voice. He blinked a few times, his eyes growing larger with every blink, and stuttered, “Uh… my n-name is…”
“Come one, man! Don’t you know your own name?” The crew laughed again, at least everyone except Marcus, who was rather good friends with Thomas. Thomas’s eyes narrowed.
“My name is Thomas Hastings, sir,” Thomas said, deliberately. He straightened up and looked Ben directly in the eye. “My ancestor was the lord of the town of Hastings. He fought off he northmen and probably saved your ancestor’s arse.” Ben took a step back.
“All right, Mr. Hastings. Do you mind if I call you Thomas?” Ben asked warmly as he shook his hand. Thomas was stunned.
“Next.” Ben called out as he patted Thomas on the back. Sailor after sailor followed. Finally, only one was left. Ben didn’t even call next, and the man stepped forward.
“Name?” Ben asked.
“Edward Barnum,” he replied with a smirk a=on his face. “I’m from the same place you are, sir. I see you quite often, actually.” Ben looked at the strange middle-aged man. His grey eyes seemed to dart back and forth as Ben stared directly at him.
“I don’t recognize you, but I’m not home often enough to recognize quite a few of my neighbors.” Ben said, his statement quite true. After Mr. Barnum went off, Ben headed off to his quarters, unable to ditch the feeling that he had been watched.
Ben walked down the hallway, noting the galley, the head, and the very few passengers’ cabins. Jamie poked his head out of a door, and shouted, “Dad! Come look at this!” Ben walked into the room, expecting to be shown something like a small bug.
It was not a small bug. In fact, it was not a big bug. Jamie was holding a dusty bottle of rum. Ben quickly crossed the room and took the bottle from his son.
“None of that for you just yet.” Ben said, laughing softly. Jamie looked slightly put out, but his childish manner didn’t let him keep the frown on his face for very long.
“Dad where are we going to sleep?” Jamie asked.
“Good question.” Ben answered. “I think we should go find the others and figure it out.” They headed back up to the deck together.
Beth and William were talking to Thomas. Sarah was having a polite conversation with Joseph. Ben walked over to his wife, Jamie clutching his pantleg.
“Hello Joseph.” Ben said. Joseph smiled politely and inclined his head.
“Hello, Mr. Shanty. Is there anything you need?”
“Yes, actually. My family needs a place to sleep. William and Jamie can share a room, or William could stay with the crew and Jamie can share a room with Beth. Sarah, of course, will stay with me in the cabin.”
Joseph seemed to think a little. “We only have one extra room for passengers. But we do have extra bunks where the crew sleeps.”
Sarah frowned. “Beth has to take the extra room for passengers. And Jamie … he can’t stay with Beth, nor the crew, nor us. Beth is seventeen; she needs a room to herself.” Ben furrowed his brow.
“Are you sure there’s not another room?” he asked.
“Not unless he sleeps in the brig. We can make it a little more comfortable for him, though.”
Ben nodded. “Let’s take a look at the brig.”

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I'm an up and coming writer, so read my stuff and comment on it.

Looks great, I'll be trying to read it over the next few days.

Have you ever read Treasure Island? Awesome book.