All times are UTC - 6 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic   Page 1 of 1
 [ 2 posts ] 
Author Message

 Post subject: [P] A Conversation of a Child with the Lord
PostPosted: July 7th, 2007, 8:46 am 
Page
Page

Joined: April 4th, 2007, 3:42 pm
Posts: 30
Location: The little paradise inside my head
Status: Offline
"Who is the person
I can talk to when I'm down?
Is she the same person
Who can quickly heal my frown?"

"Yes," said the Father,
"She is special unto you.
She will help you up when you fall
And see you through and through.

"'Mother' is her name;
A matronly figure she stands,
With two little ones, close by her side,
Who will always be her fans."

Happy Mother's Day 2007
:D

__________________
I'm an up and coming writer, so read my stuff and comment on it.


Top
 Profile WWW YIM 
 

 Post subject:
PostPosted: July 8th, 2007, 3:20 am 
AKA Knux
Village Elder
Village Elder
User avatar

Joined: May 13th, 2003, 6:06 pm
Posts: 6,267
Location: The Floating Island
Gender: Male
Status: Offline

Donor: Guardian (2008)
Very nice. It reads easily and flows with few or no stumbles. Stanza 3 line 2 threw me off a tad, but it was fine.

I especially like how the entire poem spare three words is all in speech. I feel like it breaks up the poem a bit, but in a good way, much like throwing in a short line among a stanza of long lines to avoid repetition and a dry poem. The strange thing is, it didn't even click with me that it began in speech. I just passed right over that first quotation mark. That tells me that you blended stanza 2 line 1 very well with the rest of the poem.


Top
 Profile
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  Page 1 of 1
 [ 2 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 6 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 13 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  

Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
The Village and this web site are © 2002-2012

ThePub 2.0 - Designed by Goten & Jackstick. Coded by Glodenox & Henner.
With many thanks to the Website Team!