A mysterious hooded figure stood silently in the midst of a now desolate stretch of ground. He stood with his arms stretched out to either side of him, palms facing downward towards the dry and cracked earth. A slow but complex sounding train of ancient words was emanating from under the hood of the figure, each one spoken as if seeded with some great and unseen power. Above him clouds had begun forming, growing ever larger and more intense looking with each word he let slip from his dry and cracked lips.

Slowly, in time with the words he spoke, he raised his arms towards the sky and they began to softly glow. The glow slowly spread from the figures palms, to his forearms, and then into the ripped and bloodstained cloak he wore. It raised its head then, towards the sky and the glow of its palms. As it came to face the sky, the mysterious glow reached its face and highlighted every scar and pit and time had etched there. As the energy from the glow reached the sunken eyes the figure fell to the ground, mouth open as if it was looking upon something in awe.

The figure began to chant faster now and the clouds forming above him kept pace. What had once seemed to be simple clouds were now forming into something more solid. Faster and faster he chanted and the glow seemed to be moving out of him now, infecting the ground around him. Faster still he spoke, the glow forming into dual circles on the rocks that he kneeled on. He began to chant the words now, and the glow continued to travel from his palms to the ground. The ground below his knees gave way, forming a massive hole directly underneath him and the strange glowing circles around him. Then, he stopped and collapsed from his knees into a crumpled ball on the ground. The glow had fully gone from his body, yet the circles that formed on the ground seemed to be even brighter now.

The now empty body fell into the hole that the figure had created, but it made no sound when it hit the bottom. Everything was quiet for a moment, the wind that had gently slid across the dry ground had stopped making it seem as if time itself was scared to move. CRASH! Went the ground as the first circle of light fell into the hole. CRASH! Went the ground when the second one followed. An ear shattering screech echoed up from the depths, it was a sound that could turn the bravest men to cowards in an instant, a sound that human ears were not meant to hear. A second screech followed, and then the glow returned. The hole that the figure had made began to shine a deep red color, as if charged with some immense and perverted energy. A pillar of that horrid looking light shot out of the ground next to the whole, and then another and another until it was surrounded on all sides by six of them.

A deep and haunting laugh echoed up from the bottom of the pit as the six beams of light pierced the clouds. The laughter continued as the evil light broke through the clouds overhead and emerged on the other side. As the light broke a hole in the clouds a dark clawed hand reached up from the hole. The light pushed higher into the sky as a second hand followed. The light stopped high enough above the ground so that everywhere on Earth, the sky was illuminated with the eerie red glow. With a roar the hooded figure, now in a more powerful and evil body, crawled forth from the hole and fell to the ground with a crash followed by an eerie and haunting howl. All over the planet, mankind shuddered in fear, for a reason unknown to all but five of them. The planets doom had just been born.

I voted yes, because 1. I consider you a friend and I'd always read a friends work no matter what it was, and 2. the story sounds intriguing. But I'm going to tear it apart, if you don't mind. (Just kidding! Anything I say is me trying to help so don't get offended. )

Your first paragraph is great, you have a feel for description which is fantastic. I'm not a huge fan of lavish descriptions, it takes a very particular style to satisfy me, and parts of your story did it. Such as "each one spoken as if seeded with some great and unseen power". That's a great line.



Good point, at the time of writing i hadn't thought to far onto the future as far as storyline goes. last night at work though I had some time to think, and I plan to work out the whole general direction of the story later on today just to give me something to follow and flesh out.

As for the evil thing, i thought the whole thing about him summoning/becoming part of a demon that would end the world filled that in but i guess not lol. I will add something in when I re-work it.



Yea, that was hard for me to try and write about. The picture I wanted to paint there was basically that he was standing and chanting and the magic was flowing from his hands, then he fell to his knees when the magic filled his body, and then it formed two rings around him on the ground, then directly below the rings and him the ground sort of dissolves beneath him creating a shaft/pit, then the magic fully leaves his body and it falls into the whole but doesn't make a sound when it lands, lastly both rings fall after the body, on after the other making a loud crash when they hit.

I will definitely look into making it more descriptive but at the same time less confusing.



Yea, that would probably be for the best now that i think about it.



Basically when the magic/energy/glow left his body and went into the ground the rings it formed(while not solid) acted as a sort of support system that he was tethered to by the magic still flowing from him. Looking at it now, I see that it does seem as if he is just floating on air.



These type of things have definitely never been my strong suit. However, I will try to be better at it, it does seem critical to make my story better, so it's worth it.



Duely noted, the glowing thing was such a pain to write which is why I think it seems so confusing. I think I will focus on reworking that first, and then do the rest, and then go back and look at the glowing thing again. Also, I think I should be able to give you and everyone else a better description of the guy, i have a image of what I want him to be like in my head so I just need to put those details on the screen.



Hopefully more people will post in here, and maybe Icetide will come back and offer some expanded criticisms as well

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I agree he had very good and helpful comments, but the more the merrier. Everyone's input is welcome and useful.