yes that is correct I’ve decided I’m going to create a manga but i would like your opinion about each script before I translate into Doujinshi form

also know that while doing this certain pages will be needed approval by a willing mod/admin b4 posting

credits:
adept mage for the idea of using intro as flashback
Pyro3000 for helping my translate water apple to Mizuringu even even though its ringo -.-



status: sleeping

Soon I will be posting images if you’re going to reply please DO NOT use quote!!!! Their will be enough lag from my own images I don’t need copy’s of them slowing down this thread

Also I have updated the story and will from now on be posting in a table with panel layouts on 1 side

Update: Tuesday Jan 22 08: added ch3 and fixed errors throughout the script and separated ch1 for panels, also added a prequel

***all panels (design/content) subject to change b4 finalized at my discretion***

Zachaos Aran: when universes collide
*reader needs to know some things before reading
#1 for this story to exist Nintendo DS game metroid fusion never took place
#2 Zachaos is the boys name I’ve decided that mainly for the icon purpose. Most just call him Zach or chaos
#3 when a navi uses its DNA to be imbedded into a biomechanical host it has the ability to reproduce such offspring gets identified by blue colored hair. If the navi is simply using a machine that has no bio features (biofeaters being heart lungs ect...) the off spring hair turns green. If the two types of navi interfaces were to mate the offspring’s hair will turn purple.
#4 I don’t care about the actual style of the script as it’s only a guide to help me create each panel so please don’t critique it
#5 GST stands for galactic standard time used by most of the galaxy except for the space pirates who use cycles. Specifically the cycles of growth of a metroid
*6 flashbacks are in b/w\monochrome current are in color*


pt=panel type
chapter ①. Cleaning
page01 1
panel#(1) Zachaos and Mizuringu are standing next to a telleporter waiting for it to charge
pt: Full-page
panel#(2) heads of the 2
pt: (near bottom of page)
chr words: Z “Will I ever see you again Mizu?
chr words: M “Where I’m going chaos.. I hope you never have to.
page02 2
panel#(1) mizu turns towards zach
pt: (top of page span 2)
chr words: m ”but Zach if I ever see you again promise me you’ll be my boyfriend?”
panel#(2) zach doesn’t say anything
pt: (top right)
chr words: *
panel#(3) you see the back of mizu’s head over zach’s face
pt: (mid left)
chr act: mizu kisses zach
panel#(4) zach is starring at mizo with a blank face blushing
pt: (mid right)
panel#(5) mizu is standing on the telleporter smiling
pt: (spawn bottom +very middle)
chr words: m “goodbye for now but not forever”
page03
page04 Samus and her son Zachaos are inside a room cleaning out boxes of junk. Zach is going through a box and comes across an icon tool which where once used to identify a navy and its operator. “Hey mom, what’s this?” Samus turned around.
“Oh that.” She paused to think back and reflect her past, and while wiping a small tear that came to her eyes she replied. “It used to belong to your father, put it in the trash box.” “But mom if it was dads shouldn’t we put it in that pile?” gesturing to an almost empty box across the room. “NO” she quickly snapped at him and took the icon form his hands.
page05 Looking at it while grasping it with both hands she hugged it and replied to Zach with tears in her eyes “Some things are just too painful to keep mementoes about.” After giving his mother some time to sulk he sat on the box next to her and put his arm around her. “Mom I know it’s painful but you never talk to me about dad, I’m thirteen now and I can be drafted to the marines.” He paused for a moment. “I’d like to know at least a little bit about who he was.” “Yes your right my little boy has grown into a man” she said as she put her arm around him still clutching the icon “I guess…” she sighed.
“I guess we should start at the beginning of it all, but it’s not something I can just tell you.” “Huh?” “Yes I’ll have to show you, come with me”
page06 She stood up and walked out the room followed closely by Zach. Once they exited the lights turned off exposing their shadows on the floor which ceased to be once the door shut. “Computer, lock down level 4” Samus said in such a stern voice that Zach had never heard before that it made the back of his neck stand on end. Then she set off around the corner and opened a door to a hallway. With two doors one on each side with each of their names on one. She went into the middle of the two and placed her hand on the wall. “Computer, scan palm print and voice recognition.” She spoke again that same stern voice.
page07 A computerized voice responded this time. “Input command line” “Hanger force field deactivate, begin launch preparation” this news surprised Zach as he never knew exactly what his mother did while he was at school let alone that she had her own private hanger inside the station they lived on. The wall that stood in their way dissipated and an old elevator came to life displaying a hologram of the lift. “Mom, that’s kind of low tech aint it?” “Oh hush you, your generation is spoiled with all these telleporters at every turn.” They stepped on and it began to move. As they stood floor after floor went by until the metal was replaced by a force field, and Zach caught a glimpse of what he thought looks like a personal arsenal capable of destroying a few planets. Huge crates of ammunition all over the hanger floor, a repair bay to the right of that, a command station which would normally be used as a control tower was half demolished and is now replaced by large ship firearms, but before he got a good look at that a ship that just had its docking clamps released caught his eye. It was a gun ship, orange in color with more guns on it then a battle skiff the marines use when they do Landing parties on hostile planets. Before he could see it more it disappeared as they went below the hanger floor. Zach looked over at his mother eyes wide open as his mother just stood smiling, but not a happy smile mind you it was one of those conniving smiles of guilty pleasure.
page08 After a few more floors went by they came to a stop at a large nearly vacant room. The room was so dark that you could only make out the display case in the middle of the room from the light of the elevator. They walked towards it and she placed the icon into a control panel that was just to the left of the case. Immediately a humming sound could be heard off in the distance as the holograms came to life. Three icons where fully visible from the left being the one she held in her hand earlier, another icon to the right was spinning. It had a plated look to it and was blue in color with a large S in the middle which the protruded from both ends of the circle. Finally the third icon started to come clear. It was a combination of the other two but the icon that his father had was reversed and the S was actually a Z but instead of the blue plaiting it was pink.
page09 “Zero suits engage hologram.” Immediately each icon took the shape of what they would look like on each of their hosts. The first was

Hidden: 

*I don’t feel like describing Megaman’s and Samus’s suites right now and if you don’t know what they look like you’ll see it in the comic*

the third however was different it had a blaster on the arm ,but it didn’t cover the full arm. The suite had small breasts and where about the same size as most of the girls that attends the same school as Zach.
page10 “Err mom?” “Were you expecting a girl?” “Well yes, you’d think that as advanced as our medical abilities are we’d be able to see that more clearly.” She chuckled to herself. “But don’t worry Hun” she said messing with the control panel. The suite changed to perfect fit for Zach but now had a wrist gun on each arm but was instead a dull grey color... “Anything we can do about the color?” “No it changes based on your mood and how well you keep under pressure and your emotions.” She touched her suit around her began to glow and once the glowing subsided she was wearing the suite but could not move very well. Zach began to laugh “Keep it up and ill change yours back to the girl version.” He imminently stopped.
page11 “Zero suit change tightness style to relaxed fit” her suit loosened and she was able to move. “Well what are you waiting for put yours on.” He did just as his mother did by touching the hologram, and in a matter of moment he too was wearing a suit.
page12 “Hey mom if the suite changes colors to emotions and your suite is bluish cyan.” He turned to the unoccupied suit. “Then why is dads suit almost all black?” he turned back to his mother whose eyes now where fixed on the suit. “To tell you about that you need to first understand everything else” anew door just opened up ahead of them and more of the room could be seen. Many other display cases with other inactive icons where on other cases. All of them had strange lettering like bird claws on them. They walked out the door but the last case caught his eye. On it was a navi P.E.T. and it had his fathers’ symbol upon it. But looking ahead he was loosing sight of his mom so he quickly ran to catch up.
page13 After a lot more walking they came to a dead end and a door behind them closed. Lights began turning on around a console. Samus sat in the front seat and began pressing buttons. She turned around “You’d better buckle up hyper drive can get bumpy.” Zach sat in the copilot seat which was directly behind the front seat. The main monitor engaged and displayed the hanged which they had seen earlier. “Computer download navi Lan into ships buffer.” a computer voice responded “I didn’t think id see the day when you put that suit back on.”
page14 “Yes well, its time I showed him what his mother used to do before retiring.” After a brief pause she added “Zach say hello to your uncle Lan.” “Err, wait, what?” “Hi Zach nice to finally meet you, Samus I must warn you before you depart that your suite still needs to go to that planet to be repaired.” “I know Lan I’ve already loaded everything I need in the cargo bay.” “Very well then shall I input the heading into your console?” “Yes please” “Very well I shall go and get clearance then.” The navi disappeared from the main screen.
page15 The ship began to move out of the command area and stopped in front of a tunnel that was being lit up. The doors around the lights opened and a set of flashes trailed down the tunnel. The blank screen turned back on. “Clearance has been granted but I must warn you to please be careful pirates have been seen in that area recently.” I’m sure they’d run tail when they see my ship back in action.” “Let us hope so the cargo you have took up much of the normal ammunition room and repair nanite holders.” he ship headed down the lit tunnel at an incredible speed. Once in open space she seemed like a totally different person. “Lan change heading to five seven two mark three five destination ‘xjr388’” “Course adjusted.” She pushed a button and out from the right came a throttle. “Zach you’d better hold on.”
page16 He clenched his seat and they screen turned white. “My god what have I gotten myself into?” he thought as the ship disappeared in hyperspace

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nice
it'll be very interesting as it develops
and are they inside the P.E.T or is lan now a navy for there ship?
assuming its the same lan

yes same lan and that gets explained later in the story as well the pet termanals are no longer used and lan is the ships navi

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I think this is more appropriate for the Roleplaying and Literary society forum.

__________________
Faint as a will o' the wisp
Crazy as a loon
Sad as a gypsy serenading the moon

err thanks tweedy. but would i be able topost the actual comics in here as well?

update: i had to scrp my orgianl cover page and any of the drawings i had of zach because of the story line twist i took once im happy on anew design ill post the coves

i will post the comics once they are finalized but i wont work on finalzing them untill the reader (you) understand his past and how he got to where he is now before going into a regular realtime comics

*thanks adept mage for the idea of using intro as flashback ur going in credits 

Chapter 2: ‘the decision’
“Yes, just what did I get myself into?” Zach said as he stared at his prosthetic arm. As he lay staring at his arm he looks around his room and sighs. Then with a sudden shift his arm folded in and out and took the shape of an arm cannon, then into a hilt of an energy sword, and back into a hand with lightning fast speed. The door opened and he turned his head to see three young cadets fully dressed in formal uniforms soaked all the way through.
“I warned you it was a hazing trap.” Said Zach as he sat up on his bed
“Yeah well if…” he was cut off by a jester of the hand from the smallest of the three.
“What he means is if we had your “firepower” we wouldn’t have gotten soaked.”
“You guys know I can’t do that.” He said as he stood up
“Go dry off and get your gear ready, we have a skip drill at nineteen hundred gst” a knock on the door brought Zach’s attention
“Officer on deck!” and stood to salute the other 3 fell in line next to Zach to do the same.
“At ease” *panel will show an ear* *then a tail* *and then full bodied* it was admiral Fox McCloud. The 4 cadets all went to at ease and fox stopped in front of Zach and turned towards him.
“Zach you’re being transferred, get your gear and meet me at dock fifteen bay two in ten minutes.”
“Sir Yes sir” was the only reply Zach could muster as a fear he had not felt for a long time was upon him. Fox turned to the door and walked out. The others where congratulating him and talking but Zach could not hear him. He stood in total fear as he turned to pack he already knew what ship he was to go aboard. Through out the galaxy only two ships where known and feared by all, the Great Fox and his mothers, both being formidable his mothers ship was said to mark an upcoming death upon someone and anyone who got in he way, while the Great fox was fears because of its massive battlements, thick armor, the most advanced shielding, but above all else it was the unforgiving boarding crews and the tactics used. As he packed his gear he gazed upon his arm.
*begin flashback*
The ship came out of hyperspace over the planet.
“Approaching Landing sight on xjr388, spectral trails indicate frequent flights have been made to and from the planet’s surface.” announced Lan
“begin decent.” Commanded Samus and soon they where Landing in a small crater that had been filled with strange trees, grass and tangle weeds. Samus grabbed a strange looking backpack from a storage compartment, and stepped onto a platform behind the copilot’s seat. As she held down a red button and without turning around she talked in a cold dark voice.
“you don’t have to come, but I can’t explain everything unless you see everything.” Then added after a sigh
“you can stay here if you’d like or come with me, but if you come with me your life as u know it will change.”
-pause flashback-
Zach handed a security guard *lizard* his paper work and gazed at the telleporter “this again is another deciding moment just like last time and he stepped onto the platform.
-Resume flashback-
Samus released the button with her arm around Zach. Reaching the ground she put unfolded a headset and put it on her ear.
“Lan you hear me all right?” with her finger on the top headset.
“Also, use active scanning around us but only break radio silence if I do so first.” She pulled out a pistol that and inspected it to make sure everything was in good working order and put it back into her hostler. Turning to Zach she added in her original soft voice.
“I want you to stay close to me and don’t make any movements if I put my hand up to my side with a fist ok?” Zach nodded in understanding. Then she gave him a hug.
“no matter what happens here I will protect you,” And they set off. After a while of hiking, crawling, and climbing through the terrain Samus froze Zach seeing that this was not normal stood still. Samus pressed her headset.
“Lan scan around me 50meters ahead low profile” after a while she replied,
“understood” and gave a heavy sigh.
“is their anyway around.” She stood nodding as she was sent information about what lie in the area.
“keep scanning them but don’t let yourself get caught, use drones and active camouflage with shielding to secure your location until further notice.”
“Lan only break contact if you’re spotted and then retreat back to the station, we will survive with the rations I brought until a recovery team arrives.” With that she drew her pistol and headed off to the left of the direction they where heading and squeezed through a rock. After walking abit more though a dense forest they stepped into a clearing with a large temple that is nearly destroyed. Samus looked around and found what she was looking for and headed in that direction. Stopping at a fallen wall she removed her backpack and took out a field jack and placed it under one corner of the wall. She stepped back abit and pressed a button on her backpack. The wall was pivoted up without any of the pieces falling off and revealed a stairway beneath it. Swinging the backpack on, she grabbed Zach’s hand.
“come on we don’t have much time.” And they raced down the stairway. Once they reached a safe distance she pressed the same button again and the wall gently lowered back into place blocking all light. Ferns started to glow and lead the way down the rest of the way until they stopped at a glowing blue door. Samus took out her pistol and shot it. The glowing from the door dissipated and then opened. Inside was a dark room that Samus boldly walked into Zach gulped and followed. After clearing the door it began to glow again but then stopped as a locking device cam from the floor and sealed the door shut. Around the room began to light up as white ghosts of bird like creatures appeared out of no where and took their placed along the upper rim. Eight more appeared on the floor and Samus took off her backpack and removed form it a similar hologram projector as before only this one was badly damaged.
“I am need of repair.” She said as she placed it on a pedestal that lay before them.
“and he is here to be judged.” As soon as the word 'judged' was mentioned, the room lit up and hundreds of the ghosts where sitting around what looked like a coliseum. The eight ghosts began to move close to Zach and then started to circle him. He looked over at his mom who was still knelt beside the pedestal. Zach soon could only see white.
-end flashback-
a few more flashes of white.
“here is your passport kid” said the desk clerk.
“you’re all set to go aboard.” Zach glanced out the window towards the ship he was about to board... it had a massive gun at the front of the ship with an extremely short Landing strip at the rear just above 7 powerful rockets. He bent over to grab his stuff and when he rose he was greeted by a frog that was walking on two legs. Zach dropped his bag back to his feat and saluted the higher-ranking uniform which stood before him.
-End chapter 2-

next Chapter: ’the trial’s one must face alone’

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Sure! As long as they aren't inappropriate (i.e. aren't against the Forum Rules), go for it.

__________________
Faint as a will o' the wisp
Crazy as a loon
Sad as a gypsy serenading the moon

Chapter 3: ’the trial’s one must face alone’
The frog stood and hesitantly saluted quickly. Then with a motion of his head he led the way unto the ship. The frog led Zach to a one bed room and walked away. Zach curiously poked around. Blue carpet covered the whole floor, a bed to the right that he could comfortably sprawl out on. A computer lay next to the head of the bed with a little note on the keyboard. Zach walked into the room and placed his bag beside his bed to pick up the note. It read: ‘use the computer to search throughout the ship to know your way around. Slippy’ chaos sat down and opened up the schematics. After a while he was interrupted by a knock at the door. Zach turned and stood immediately to a salute. Fox entered in plan clothing with a grin on his face.
“Aboard this ship there will be no more of that.” Zach felt abit awkward but took his hand down.
“Aboard this ship I am just as much your caption as your wing leader.” He sat down in a chair next to the closet, and gave a sigh.
“We don’t salute the higher-ranking except the general otherwise we are all equal.” Standing up he then added.
“Come on, I want to introduce you to your squad you’ll be commanding.” But before heading out the door he stopped.
“You should put on your other armor first.” And then continued out and waited next the door. A for moment later Zachaos walked out in plain street clothes and turned to fox.
“Every one I fight with need to know both sides of me. So that if I turn out like…” he bowed his head. Fox put his hand on his shoulder.
“You won’t, I’ll see to it personally.”
Zach lifted his head and smiled
“fox I wish I had a friend like you back then”
“no she’s in the hanger.”
Zach was puzzled by that remark but followed fox down a corridor recalling the events that had changed his life.
-start fb-
Out from the ceiling came a glowing rock whish started to drop something on fire out of a hole in the middle. Underneath was a n early model stun pistol/ Zach rolled and grabbed it. Looking up he noticed 3 targets to hit glowing red underneath the floating rock. Taking aim he hit it with pin point accuracy. Before he could get a second shot off the ground began to shake. The ghost began to disappear and the shaking got worse. Zach looked to his mother for instructions but she had already grabbed the icon from the pedestal and was glowing like before only this time when it stopped Samus had dawned a metal suit.
(btw most of this 1st part will be whole pages because of who epic it is with smaller panels to describe the between action)
“Samus where still under attack I’ve used most of the nanites to stop Zach’s bleeding but ...” “use them all….” Samus said quietly.” “But if we.”* “I said use them all...” she screamed as she fell in tears to Zach who was covered by a stasis field. Nanites where crawling covering up his heart area the stasis fields where keeping the rest of his wound from bleeding.” I wana hold my baby.”*
(this part marked with * will have to be approved by a mod as it may depict some graphic images but ill try to make them as pg as I can)
chatter over the intercom attracted Lan’s attention. “Samus fox is inbound to assist us he will be in radio contact shortly.” ”Samus Aran I never thought id see the day.” “No time for the chatter fox Samus is in no condition to pilot “*show a pic of Samus in the distance hunched over crying “I wana hold my baby”* “fox Samus’s son is hurt badly his right arm and half his chest has been disintegrated with a drilling beam, and fox he’s got Kartagener’s syndrome
**editors note: Kartagener’s syndrome is where the heart is on the right side instead of the left**
after a short pause. “lan I’m sending you over all the nanites I have and when my crew gets here they will do the same.” “I’ve also contacted my ship and it will be in range shortly. We have medics teams on standby for zach.”
“zach my Zachaos? What happened to my baby is he hurt?”
“not now discord just dump ur nanites and get into the battle.”
“roger”



-end fb-
fox and zach are still walking through corridors until they came to a big door labeled “hanger” that was locked.
“you’ll be taking charge of our best team.” The door unlocked and opened zach was jumped by a pink spacesuit. Fox coughed into his hand and the solder stood and took off her helmet.
“Discord haven’t we talked about this earlier remember.”



sorry had to cut it short i realized its 4am i gotan interview tomarow i needs my sleep

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