>> Jaron: Recap.

Are you serious? This is going to take forever.

Fine. Whatever. TL;DR me and you die.

The Adventures of Jimmy began on the RuneVillage forums on April 19th, 2009, due to Jaron's fascination with the then-6-day-old Homestuck. The very first picture featured an incredibly-badly-drawn stick figure employee of APEX MICROCHIPS named JIMMY IMAGE standing in his CUBICLE in which he may or may not have actually ever gotten any work done. After grabbing his trusty PINK STAPLER and a failed attempt to play MINESWEEPER using only his COMPUTER MONITOR, JIMMY decided to head down to the IT DEPARTMENT to pick up his COMPUTER (which had been previously infected with viruses from trying to look up MINESWEEPER CHEAT CODES.)

On his way from the 23RD FLOOR to the 18TH FLOOR, JIMMY encountered a STAIRWELL-DWELLING SPIDER. He eventually dispatched it by firing STAPLES at it, attempting to bribe it, and using BANKAI on it from an ORIGAMI DOLLAR SWORD. Once at the IT DEPARTMENT, JIMMY proceeded to cause mayhem by kicking DOORS off of their HINGES and stealing the BELL and ringing it incessantly. His antics eventually led to a battle with the IT DEPARTMENT EMPLOYEE, who lost the battle by leaving himself wide open while attempting to use his LEVEL 5 STAPLETECH when your PINK STAPLER was already empty.

On the way back to his CUBICLE, JIMMY rode the 18TH FLOOR's WATERCOOLER down the stairwell, causing it to break into many pieces. From this, the WATERCOOLER CUPHOLDER BAZOOKA was born. (It fired cups!) Upon hooking up his COMPUTER to its MONITOR, it turned out that JIMMY could still not play MINESWEEPER due to a lack of a KEYBOARD and MOUSE. For lack of anything better to do, JIMMY went down to the APEX MICROCHIPS CAFETERIA and obtained some HONEY ROASTED NUTS, among other things.

While heading back to FLOOR 23, JIMMY encountered not one, but four SPIDERS on FLOOR 16! Again, he tried to blend in with them, bribe them, and feed them, but in the end he just shot all but one with his WATERCOOLER CUPHOLDER BAZOOKA. The final SPIDER was trapped in a CUP, from which JIMMY created the SPIDER GRENADE. Upon getting back to his CUBICLE, JIMMY's nemesis and manager DREDLOCK appeared and initiated a boss battle. DREDLOCK continually used his weapon, the CLOSED CELL PHONE, to ensnare and attack JIMMY. JIMMY in turn fired the SPIDER GRENADE, and the fury of the SPIDER inside completely turned the tide of battle. Unfortunately, when DREDLOCK flung the SPIDER off of him, it fell infinitely through the BOSS HELL ZONE, never to be seen again. After taking a little more damage, DREDLOCK fled the scene, dropping his MANAGERIAL LOCKER KEY by accident. JIMMY used it to search DREDLOCK's MANAGERIAL LOCKER, but not before unlocking the FILE CABINET to find a KEYBOARD and MOUSE, and finally playing (and winning!) a game of MINESWEEPER. (He also gained a new Chimeran Skill, but didn't have the slightest idea what it was for or how to train it.) While in the MANAGERIAL LOCKER ROOM, JIMMY found an APEX RED KEYCARD and an ominious NOTE that mentioned an important meeting with DATADYNE. After performing some research via the APEX HELP SYSTEM on his computer (and accidentally breaking his WATERCOOLER CUPHOLDER BAZOOKA beyond repair) JIMMY snuck up to the 25TH FLOOR and spied on the meeting. There was some mutual information-sharing going on there--JIMMY learned that APEX's CEO, ARMANDO GUITIERREZ, was implementing a plan to take over the WORLD, and GUITIERREZ learned that JIMMY was spying on the meeting.

JIMMY ran for his life to FLOOR 13 as he was chased by APEX SECURITY and WAYNE "HAX" BRUCE. Upon entering the room, he saw six COLORED DOORS with corresponding KEYCARD READERS. After blocking entry to the room with a CHAIR, JIMMY swiped his APEX RED KEYCARD and found himself in BURAM, a strange world with more than one MOON (which seemed to hint that he wasn't on EARTH anymore.) It appeared that the NOT-TARDIS shack-like building had taken him here. He repelled down the CLIFF and walked through the FOREST before coming to BURAM VILLAGE, where he met MARTY, an incredibly frightened miner. MARTY talked about setbacks due to COLLAPSED MINE TUNNELS and their MONTHLY QUOTA and the CATFISH-FILLED MOAT around BURAM CASTLE and a whole bunch of other stuff. MARTY gave JIMMY his PICKAXE, who found and equipped a BUCKET for use as headgear. He also examined the BURAM VILLAGE WELL, but it was creepy and filled with water and he had played The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, so he stayed away.

JIMMY attempted to rob JOHN'S MINING SHOPPE, but JOHN saw through his ruse and was entirely nonplussed. He told JIMMY all sorts of BURAM LORE and gave him a JAITIA-STAINED MINING HELMET and JAITIA-STAINED PICKAXE. JIMMY placed the new HELMET on top of his old one to create the BUCKET MINING HELMET. He followed the EASTERN MINE CART TRACKS to a small CLEARING in the middle of the EASTERN FOREST. While there, he met a FOREST-DWELLING SPIDER, and after chatting with it, gained the ability FLUENT SPIDERESE. JIMMY also constructed a miniature LOG CABIN and gained the ability MINOR WOODWORKING. Eventually, he stuck his APEX RED KEYCARD into a suspicious slot on a nearby ROCK, which opened a secret passageway! It lead to the outskirts of BURAM CASTLE, where JIMMY saw a JAITIA PROCESSING FACILITY on the inside, and a PIRANHA-INFESTED MOAT on the outside. Using his MINOR WOODWORKING ability, JIMMY created a MINIATURE TROJAN HORSE, later named EPONA.

By wisely utilizing his two magic spells, GRAVITY and HASTE, JIMMY sprinted across the PIRANHA-INFESTED MOAT and up the nearby TOWER and opened the way to BURAM CASTLE. He heard an explosion come from the mountains in the distance, but paid it no mind. The TOWER itself had no way up or down, save for an ORANGE DOOR that surely linked back to the 13TH FLOOR of APEX, so JIMMY used the DRAWBRIDGE ROPE as a ZIPLINE to return to ground level. Once inside BURAM CASTLE, JIMMY unfortunately learned that the main door requires two people to press two buttons at the exact same time, and EPONA was unable to help JIMMY accomplish this task. The side door required a passcode that JIMMY simply did not know, and no amount of guesses nor smashing his face into the KEYPAD unlocked the door. He headed back outside for no other reason than to lead his MINIATURE TROJAN HORSE to WATER and make it drink.

But outside, someone randomly approached JIMMY and pulled a GUN on him! By a strange feat of luck, it turned out to be TRENT EASTREAM, JIMMY's CO-WORKER, FRIEND, and a LEVEL 2 MANAGER. TRENT was determined to achieve the same goal as JIMMY--that is, stop APEX's vague yet evil plan of taking over the world. The two of them joined to become an unstoppable team! With two people now in the party, the passage deeper into BURAM CASTLE was opened. Together, they investigated a ton of stuff such as the JAITIA REFINING EQUIPMENT and five TOGGLE DOORS and stuff but I'm kind of getting tired of writing this RECAP so we'll just leave it at that. Along the way, they got five TRANSPARENT OVERLAYS, a BOX OF STAPLES, and JIMMY attached the SANTA HAT that TRENT already had to his headgear to create the BUCKET MINING SANTA HELMET. By using WALKIE-TALKIES and the POWER OF TEAMWORK, JIMMY entered the end room where the REFINED JAITIA spilled out. Strangely, there was nothing in the room except for a small pit in the floor where the JAITIA had piled up. Could APEX's method of acquiring JAITIA seriously be this inefficient? There was probably something going on here that simply isn't evident to the untrained eye. JIMMY and TRENT stumbled upon a SAFE with an item inside that merged their MP GAUGES, allowing for better MAGIC ATTACKS by both of them. Meanwhile, dark cloud cover began to spread over BURAM, indicating an impending storm, and WAYNE "HAX" BRUCE tracked the two to BURAM CASTLE.

The five TRANSPARENT OVERLAYS, when flipped and merged, revealed the PASSCODE required to enter the EASTERN WING of BURAM CASTLE. This new area contained several rooms including an UNBREAKABLE BOX filled with REFINED JAITIA, a FREEZER and boxes full of REFINED JAITIA, a locked PINK DOOR, more CHAIRS, a COMPUTER with a KEYCARD READER used to unlock the PINK DOOR, a WHITEBOARD with SCRIBBLES all over it, a room entirely covered with BROWN PAINT, and an unactivated LIGHTNING ROD. JIMMY and TRENT decided to duel with POTTED PLANTS, scribble some more on the WHITEBOARD, and use a NORMAL, HOT, and COLD version of the same KEYCARD to unlock the PINK DOOR. In that room they found a ton of OVERSIZED RESISTORS connected to the WIRE that extended from the LIGHTNING ROD to the REFINED JAITIA BOX, and a YELLOW APEX KEYCARD, which TRENT picked up. At the same time, the LIGHTNING ROD upstairs was mysteriously activated! JIMMY and TRENT went to investigate, but were ambushed by GUITIERREZ's second-in-command, WAYNE "HAX" BRUCE! HAX's high amount of skill allowed him to completely wipe the floor with our heroes, to the point of near death, when out of the blue (or the tan/orange) came the SPIDER GRENADE SPIDER from long ago, which once again turned the tide of battle before vanishing into the infinite floor. JIMMY and TRENT threw everything they owned at HAX, which was enough to finally defeat him. They were warped out of BOSS HELL ZONE, only to realize that a tremendous THUNDERSTORM was directly overhead! HAX laughed and simplified his battle to a SUICIDE MISSION before dying. Certain that the LIGHTNING ROD will activate some sort of odd JAITIA BOMB, JIMMY and TRENT fled the castle as fast as they could.

A mixture of events including LIGHTNING FLASH distractions and ROCKS randomly protruding from the ground caused TRENT to fall and break his leg whilst fleeing. In a heroic effort to force JIMMY to not wait up for him, TRENT threw the APEX YELLOW KEYCARD ahead of JIMMY, who begrudgingly dashed off to catch up with it and snag it. A LIGHTNING BOLT did indeed strike the LIGHTNING ROD, and the raw 1.21 GIGAWATTS OF ELECTRICITY flowed through all of the OVERSIZED RESISTORS until a certain voltage was reached, which was fed into the JAITIA BOX. The REFINED JAITIA reacted violently, and a ginormous explosion engulfed BURAM CASTLE, the MOAT, the surrounding FOREST, the ground underneath it all, EPONA, and TRENT. Then you guys started making HOMESTUCK references regarding the FOURTH WALL and RECAPS and stuff and I started writing this giant thing. Later I finished it and posted it. (Then over one-and-a-half years later I included it in the final compilation of THE ADVENTURES OF JIMMY on my web site.)

>> Jaron: I didn't read any of that. Do something less boring.

>> TAoJ Reader: Yeah that's probably just about enough of that.