University Application

ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES THAT YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

I'm the purple beast of the East, the one who woos women and brings fear to many men. In the past few years, I've been known as the strong guy with the mysterious dreamboat looks who's also very smart and artistic.

I can open bras just with the power of thought and see through women's clothes as well. Also, I have a keen ability to notice extremely drunk chicks at a party, but worry not, my motto is "legal and willing". I'm also a veteran in the game of love.

Using only one finger I can lift my sister's baby. A master of Karate, I can dodge any kick, punch, or even rocks thrown at me. I’m a big fan of Gogen Yamaguchi. He once killed a tiger! I'm almost to that level; I killed a bug the other day using my Karate chop.

While traveling in Brazil once, I found this village where the people there didn't speak English, can you believe that? I tried telling them that I wanted to spend some time with the women there. You know, “get to know them.” Since they didn't speak or read any English, I took a spear I found and killed everyone, just to make my point. I bet next time I arrive there, they'll be speaking English.

I can hit small moving objects with deadly accuracy with a baseball bat. One time, I read "War and Peace" and the LOTR trilogy. That same afternoon, I understood the Theor of Relativity. I know the truth about Area 51, and if I told you, you’d wet your pants. For that reason, I won’t tell you because seeing adults wetting their pants isn’t a nice thing to see.

The CIA and even the Mossad have called for my help in gathering info and going on secret, undercover missions. Who do you think found the location of Saddam Hussein? Me.

I'm also a gentle artist. I Lived in Paris for a few months painting great works of art, and all of my paintings are valued around $20,000-$30,000 a piece. I admit that while I was there, I was using LSD which gave me super greatness. I even wrote a novel that won a Pulitzer Prize in drama.

And with all that I haven't even gone to college yet.

Written By: Gui
Edited By: TheAmericanIdiot
Coded By: J@nr0k