Died and Lived to Tell the TaleAs I stumbled easternwards across the green, grassy plain, I paused for a moment to adjust my rune armor and wipe my brow. It had been a long day, and I desperately needed a place to lie down and rest. As I continued along, I munched on a lobster and marveled at how it almost instantly healed the wounds I had sustained from the rock crabs. Eventually, the ground became gray, hard and rocky and I came upon an entrance to a cave. “Ah, finally! A place where I can rest!” I said to myself as I headed in. Dropping my heavy pack to the floor just inside the cave, I raised the visor on my helmet and ventured a little farther in to investigate the back. Presently, I happened upon what looked like large lizards. I was tired, but they looked pretty weak and I didn’t want them bothering me as I slept, so I decided to take a minute to clear them out. I attacked one, laying it a heavy slash right down the middle. However, I had a surprise coming for it immediately retaliated, raising its spines and firing them straight into my unprotected feet. I felt the effect almost immediately. Poison shot up my legs and began burning me up from the inside. I frantically staggered away back to the entrance of the cave, grabbed my pack, and began downing lobsters furiously, hoping the poison would subside, but it didn’t. Just as I had finished off my last lobster, I heard a meow behind me. Turning, I saw a dark cat looking at me with an evil grin on its face. Suddenly, white streams of light circled around me. I tried to run, but the ground opened up beneath me and my world went black. I awoke a few seconds later in what looked like a jail cell. Somehow I sensed that I was no longer in RuneScape. A scrawny, ragged-looking man ran up to me. “Oh no, he’s capture you too!” he exclaimed. “Who has?” I started to say, but stopped as another strong wave of pain and nausea hit me. I knew the last of my strength had been depleted. The man gave me a startled look as I doubled over and hit the floor. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was a bunch of pink balloon animals hopping over my head. Suddenly I awoke. I opened my eyes and saw to my alarm that my hands were transparent! But not just my hands, my whole being! Then I realized that I wasn’t breathing, but somehow had no need to breathe! I took a look at my surroundings. All around me was endless deep mist. The impenetrable mist went up to my waist and it pulsated with magic so powerful and so pure that it would have instantly slain any mortal to come in contact with it. The magic made the mist turn and swirl with many different colors and made it flash as if it were a cloud lit up with lightning. Even the air around me glowed and was filled with swirling sparks of magic. I unsuccessfully tried to take a step and realized that there was no floor under the mist. Reacting to some strange instinct, I willed myself to move and to my amazement, I glided forward. Suddenly, I felt an ominous presence behind me and realized I wasn’t alone. I turned to face a towering being with a glowing whip in his hand. “Get back in line, you!” it ordered, landing a painful lash to my back. Wincing, I glided to the back of a line of spirits that looked just like me. A couple of them motioned me over to them. “Who are you?” I asked them. “And what is this place?” “We’re all adventurers from RuneScape, like you I assume,” one of them responded. “My guess is that this is where Runescapians go when they die.” “What? That makes no sense!” I replied. “I didn’t come here the last time I died!” “Neither have any of us,” the other soul said. “Maybe it’s a new policy around here.” “But exactly where are we?” I asked. “We can’t be in RuneScape anymore. I have never in my life seen a place so pure and powerful. Every inch of this place is pulsating with the very essence of magic!” “Well, my guess is that we are in the realm of the gods. Look over there,” the first being said pointing to the front of the line about two dozen souls ahead. I looked over and saw the spirit at the front of the line being pushed onto a platform where he was lit up by several colorful magical beams and teleported away. The powerful being controlling the platform shouted “Next!” and the next soul was put on. Above the device floated a large, flashy sign that said “The Illustrious Life-Restorative Confabulator 2000 – Powered by Saradomin.” “I guess you go on there to have your life restored and be reunited with your body back in RuneScape,” the spirit said. We watched the device do its work for several minutes until the two souls in front of me had to go on. I waved goodbye as the platform took them away. Then it was my turn. However, just as I was about to glide onto the platform, bright waves of light and energy exploded to my left, the force knocking me back. The being controlling the platform looked up in surprise as a mighty god swelled into view. The god looked like a huge, slightly transparent, warrior, his entire body pulsing with magic and power. “This one!” the god yelled, pointing at me. “This one is to come with me!” “What? But he, but he can’t!” the controller stammered. “Saradomin gave strict instructions that—” “Bah! I don’t care what that idiot says! He is to come with me. Now!” “Um, but, but, sir, this is most irregular! Don’t you think we should at least consult—” “Stop wasting my time, you fool! I say he will come with me and come with me he shall!” With that, the god conjured up a black mist with the intention of teleporting and aimed it at me. Just as the black mist was about to wrap around me, bright waves of light and energy exploded to my right, and in came another god who quickly dissipated the black mist with a ball of light. “What in the realms is going on here, Zamorak?” the second god demanded. “You’re Zamorak??” I said in surprise, looking at the god who tried to take me away. “Well, of course I am, fool!” Zamorak said indignantly. “What did you expect? A three-headed demon with six arms, horns, and a pitchfork?” “Well, sort of, maybe, I mean—” “As for your question, Saradomin, I was merely trying to teleport this soul back to my domain.” “Zamorak, we have been over this a million times before,” Saradomin replied, shaking his head. “According to the Universal Code established after the god wars, ‘all creatures who die in Glielinor’, or RuneScape as they call it, ‘are to come to the realm of the gods to have their life restored and to be returned to—’” “You don’t have to quote the Universal Code to me,” Zamorak interrupted. “I know very well what it says, but this mortal is an exception to the law.” “Impossible! The Code leaves no room for exceptions!” “Oh, but it does,” Zamorak said with a smirk on his face. “You see, Saradomin, this soul did not in fact lose his life in RuneScape, but in a prison in RuneScape’s mirror world, ScapeRune, under the control of my servant, Evil Bob. Therefore, the law does not apply to him and he is subject to me.” “But he is a citizen of RuneScape, so the law does apply to him!” “No it doesn’t!” Zamorak countered. “Besides, this mortal is one of those pesky adventurers. Do you know how much trouble they give me every day? I’m always having to pay Evil Bob overtime for catching Prison Pete every time one of these adventurers lets him escape! I should at least be able to take one of them. You owe me for filling Evil Bob’s prison with your stupid pink animated balloon animals!” “Stupid?! How dare you call my creations stupid!” Saradomin yelled furiously. “Like your creations are any better. How many hundreds of your lesser demons fall to these ‘pesky adventurers’ every day? And your greater demons aren’t much better off! Stupid, yourself!” “Getting insulting, eh?” Zamorak said, and continued to make fun of Saradomin’s creations. As the two gods continued to argue, I glanced over at the Confabulator’s controller just in time to see him quickly sneak away. I could see that the gods’ argument was turning violent, so taking a chance, I glided over to the control booth. Fortunately, Zamorak and Saradomin were too distracted to notice me and I turned to the control panel. Scanning across the myriads of knobs and switches I looked for any that seemed important. One of them caught my attention: a switch labeled “Mind Wipe.” “This explains why I don’t remember this place,” I muttered to myself. “Apparently, they wipe your memory of this place as they send you back!” Having no intention of getting my mind wiped, I switched it to the opposite position. Nothing else seemed of much importance, so I pulled the lever to start the machine and raced as fast as I could toward the platform. I was not a moment too soon for at that very moment, Saradomin was conjuring a massive bolt of lightning to strike Zamorak with and Zamorak was preparing a huge fireball to throw at Saradomin. As I got nearer, the platform began to light up and Saradomin yelled in surprise as the Confabulator sucked a little energy out of him. Though it was but a small annoyance, it was enough to disrupt Saradomin’s spell and he could only cast a quick counter spell before Zamorak unleashed his fireball. I could feel the intense heat as Saradomin took the fireball in the chest and was knocked back by its force. Just then I reached the platform and just in time for at that moment the beams appeared and started to restore my life. Zamorak suddenly yelled in surprise and frustration as he noticed me and frantically tried to prepare another spell, but he was too late. Just as Zamorak was about to unleash his spell at me, I felt my soul being stretched out. The realm of the gods faded away as my connection with it was severed, and my world went dark for the third time that day. Moments later I woke up, finally back in my body and in Lumbridge, with the memory of the events that had just transpired still in my mind. Most everyone says I’ve gone mad when I tell them this story, though most every Runescapian has died at some point and has visited the same place I did without knowing it. I consider myself lucky, though because I can tell of an adventure most could never hope to have, for very few die and live to tell this tale. |