England, Cheese and their Effects on the WorldLiving where I do, in the middle of a country commonly known as England (or Little America) life revolves around three things. These three things are football (soccer), beer and cheese. If even one of these things were to be removed from England, the country would descend into chaos, a warlike state only rivalled by Iraq. England, for those of you who don’t know, is a small country which is east of America and about the same size as Donald Trump's backyard. Now then, in the past decade there have been many changes to the British society that I feel can answer many questions about the world. Note to reader: This article is all complete rubbish and is meant to be funny; take it in the non-serious way it is written. The typical Englishman consumes 60-100g of cheese a day or about 25kg a year. This cheese contains bacteria which cause the human body to produce more gas than usual. This increase in gas is actually due to the fact that cheese is made of milk, and milk comes from cows, and cows fart a lot. Therefore it is commonly known by governments as the cheese fart chain (CFC, not to be confused with Chloroflurocarbons (CFCs), the gases once released from aerosol cans). Now, this increase in gas would not usually be a problem, as the English people were once seen as ladies wrapped in seven layers of dress and men in full dress suits, people who would be utterly disgusted at the thought of a fart. However, this has changed in a way that is more damaging than locking the toilets at a Rock festival. English people are now starting to allow and even enjoy farting! This increase in farting has caused a 10000% rise in gas emissions per person in the country, with English emissions now third, behind America and the bean-eating monks of Tibet. The gas has been forced out in such levels that it has caused a greenhouse effect, causing an increase in temperature and many women removing at least five of their seven dresses, something which the government has called ‘poppycock’. The country has seen swarms of scantily-clad people taking to the streets and heading towards local ‘recreational grounds', where activities, such as farting in swimming pools, have become commonplace. Utterly scandalous in my opinion! It is feared that removing cheese from England will just intensify the problem, so government scientists have been working on a solution that involves extracting the gas and turning it into a form of fuel, known as bio-gas. By removing cheese from England, many current national events such as cheese rolling in Gloucester and Cheesestock, much like the American festival Woodstock, would be lost forever. Cheese is about as British as The Royal Family, Cricket and Horse riding. Please, I beg of you RuneVillagers, act now and save this endangered country. England alone is a weak society run by the Cheese companies; we cannot last much longer. The country is sure to heat up so much in the next ten years that Scotland will melt, and then we will face a new ice age. Villagers, it is up to you. You, and only you can save this once Great Nation! I don’t know how, but I'm sure you can think of something. 
Written By: Richboi0 Edited By: Dr Henry Coded By: TheAmericanIdiot |