New Years Resolutions

Every year, millions of fat people make the goal to lose weight. 100% of them fail this goal. Lots of other stupid goals are set, like quitting smoking (after you spent so much time starting). However, I am much smarter than these people, my goals are so easy that I will be able to complete them in a matter of hours,Others will take the entire year to achieve.

 

Here are my New year's resolutions

 

It's going to be another good year in my life, but I didn't stop there. I also have a plan to accomplish these goals. Check it out:

Skip 50 Days
This is an important goal of mine (lets call it operation skip50 for the heck of it). I plan to miss every Monday from now until the end of the year. Took a lot of planning, and for that I deserve a break...I am sure my counselor will understand.

Ead nothing
Yet another one of my goals that I am sure a lot of you deem impossible. However, this has been a goal of mine for several years already. So far, it has been 5 years since I have read a book. This year I will be going all out and totally isolating myself from words.

Eat an entire pizza
Most people would gain weight by doing this, but not me. It's my goal to finish an entire large Pizza Hut pizza by myself. I attempted this goal several times in 2004. THIS IS THE YEAR WHEN I CAN FINISH IT OFF!

Call chicken a birdbrain
If you don't know chicken from the village, just look up Einstein and you'll find his picture pretty close by. This guy is a genius, ever since I read his paper on "Polymorphisms and Post-Discectomy" (yea I thought it was about porn too) I knew this guy was a genius. So calling him a birdbrain would bring him down to my level...maybe even lower!

Sleep an entire week (like a bear)
Bears are so cool, they not only kill everything...but they sleep through the winter! I totally want to be a bear when I grow up. I would be the best bear. So if I want to be a successful bear, I have to learn how to hibernate. Sleeping an entire week should be a good enough start.

So those are my goals for this year. Most people wouldn't last a second (like Rosie O'Donnell in a marathon), but I am determined to complete every last one.

Proofread by Monk Basher & Coded by Juansito