Dodgeball is the Best Game Ever

A New York state Appellate Division panel refused to dismiss a lawsuit that claims a school wronged a 7-year-old girl who broke her elbow while playing dodge ball. That's the big news happening in New York schools. A little girl breaks her arm playing dodgeball! Forget the drugs, gangs, and drive by shootings! What's really harming our children and bringing down their grades is dodgeball. Maybe some of you can remember dodgeball: it's the game where kids have fun.

The game is also being targeted as unfair, exclusionary, and warlike for school aged youngsters. What kind of fun game is fair? Every class needs that fat kid who brings down the team. What's exclusionary? Everyone gets to play; no one is excluded. If anything, dodgeball is the most inclusive game that the sissy school system allows.  Well, it's either dodgeball or duck duck goose. We all know how cool playing that is. Looking back at my childhood, the school board "protected" me from a lot of things. Here are the evil things that they saved me from:

  Tire Swings



Tire swings kicked a**; no kid hated them. Everyone had a blast using them. Yet, after about 15 years of use, some little sissy named Timmy, probably living in some third world country, got hurt using it. Instantly, CNN (crappy news network) set up a 24 hour watch of the tire swing. There would be hourly interviews, and they would pay kids to say something like "The tire swing ate my little brother and causes more pollution than Rosie O-Donnel's breath" or "Thank you, CNN, for saving us from the evil tire swing". I will express more about my hate of CNN in another article. Back to the list.

  Harry Potter



When Harry Potter books were becoming popular, my school quickly banned them. Some parents believed that after reading the books, children would think they are wizards and attempt to do wizardly stunts. They were right. After reading the book I totally thought I was Harry Potter. I even considered changing my name from Dustin to Jr. Harry. JUST KIDDING! Any kid dumb enough to believe he is a wizard after reading a book would probably be doing a lot of people a favor by jumping off of a building.

Flamethrowers



I know my 4th grade teacher was the devil. She kept her horns under her desk, and would harvest your soul if you didn't get an A+. If only the school board didn't ban flamethrowers, then there would be peace on earth, and everyone would be happy.
The school board and Greenpeace should team up to think of ways they can destroy the things children enjoy. The only problem is they need some reason other than themselves to blame it on...there goes the internet.

By: Dustin Proofread By: Chatmasta Coded By: Chatmasta