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If you don't want to actually read his story, then don't. And much as I'm sure
you just want to help, it's obviously not working so you might as well just
stop bothering entirely.
It's, in the end, entirely his choice how he writes his story and how
much detail he goes in on. There's no sense in repeating yourself
in your suggestions over and over, it's not helping.
Statistics: Posted by Znath — June 7th, 2007, 12:11 pm
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You have little, if any, idea how to write a proper story. Sure, your SPAG's fine, but that's about it (though that IS saying a lot).
Statistics: Posted by Tahu 1000 — June 7th, 2007, 11:46 am
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Statistics: Posted by Kikori — May 27th, 2007, 2:46 pm
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Again, you failed to tell us what race the main character is. Also, it's a bit hard to follow.
O.K he's a human. are you happy now.
Statistics: Posted by TheSniperElite — May 27th, 2007, 2:05 pm
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Friday 21st November 993 (continued)
‘This has got to stop Samson!’
‘What’s gotta stop?’ I replied knowing full well what I had done.
‘What’s got to stop, what Samson?’ Jascar asked with a small grin on his face as to say that he was better than me. Yet I knew if I didn’t swallow my pride I would be out of work.
‘What’s gotta stop…’ I sighed heavily.
‘Sir.’ Yet this still didn’t seem to please him. I braced myself for another wave of reprimands. But to my surprise he didn’t say a word he just looked at the wall longingly. Before turning once more to face me.
‘Look Samson I know you think I am a stuck up little idiot but I would just like to say…’
‘Is this an apology I hear coming on, Jascar?’
‘Just let me finish will you! Anyway I would just like to say that I am sorry for all the prating around and things that helped lose you this promotion.’
‘Well if that’s it do you mind if I go?’
‘Wait…. So basically what has got to change is our attitude towards each other.’
Both he and I paused nether sure whether if this proposal was a good one to make.
‘Well I suppose I could…….’ My acceptance was interrupted by a huge clap of cannon fire, followed by another and another. Both I and Jascar rushed out I ran at my friends, knocking Jascar out balance in the process. When I reached them I got them and we ran for the Falador side exit.
Statistics: Posted by TheSniperElite — May 25th, 2007, 10:40 pm
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Tahu 1000 wrote:
Has potential. But who is the main character? Dwarf? Human? Goblin?
Now that would be telling!
Anyway I am planing to do the next installment on Saturday!
Wait, what? You're going to keep the race of the main character a secret from us?
Statistics: Posted by Tahu 1000 — May 24th, 2007, 5:43 am
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Has potential. But who is the main character? Dwarf? Human? Goblin?
Now that would be telling!
Anyway I am planing to do the next installment on Saturday!
Statistics: Posted by TheSniperElite — May 24th, 2007, 2:59 am
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Yeah, the Farie Wars series used a single quote.
Statistics: Posted by Tahu 1000 — May 17th, 2007, 7:04 pm
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Ultima Cow wrote:
I saw a few spelling errors here and there, just copy and paste this into Microsfot Word or something and do a spell check.
Heh, shouldn't you do the same?
I'm pretty confident in my spelling, and usually catch the typos
Statistics: Posted by Crafty Llama — May 17th, 2007, 5:54 pm
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I saw a few spelling errors here and there, just copy and paste this into Microsfot Word or something and do a spell check.
Heh, shouldn't you do the same?
and I've seen actual printed books that use (') for quotation, so that's not a big point
~Stip~
Statistics: Posted by Stip45 — May 17th, 2007, 3:49 pm
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You wrote:
'Errmm.....Work even harder??'
Never use more than one question mark or exclamation mark. I know you want to express the way the question was presented, but that's what adjectives are for!
Example wrote:
"Erm... Work even harder?" I suggested, hastily covering up my complaint.
Adjectives are god. I noticed that you didn't use too many. For starters, just add the odd adjective here and there, for example, instead of just saying "pick axe" add in "iron pick axe". Readers want a good image of what's going on, physically and mentally.
I saw a few spelling errors here and there, just copy and paste this into Microsfot Word or something and do a spell check. Make sure to note the correct spelling for later reference. One last thing, commas. I am terrible at explaining them, so I'll leave it to Knux.
Statistics: Posted by Crafty Llama — May 17th, 2007, 4:48 am
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'Gonna do what Samson?' I looked round. It was stuck up little Jascar, ever since he got a promotion he caused nothing but trouble for me.
'Errmm.....Work even harder?'
I muttered more under my breath. Words I would not utter again in front of anyone. Yet unfortunately this Jascar seemed to notice, and as you can imagine he was not best pleased about.
'Report to my office in hour on the dot... or else!'
'Yes...' I huffed strongly.
'Yes what?' He gloated.
'Yes sir.' I huffed again. And he walked off.
I turn back around to face my friends Anron a small dwarf covered in grime and leather and Trovold a tall fat human, who like Anron was covered in grime and leather but he also had a small religious looking necklace around his neck. He never mentioned what it was or why he had it and when we asked about he always changes the subject.
'Don't worry Samson he's a toads sister!' Anron laughed. This had the effect of instantly cheering me up. We all laughed.
More will be on the way at regular intivals. But don't hesitate to post anything that you think I could inprove.
I have taken into accout the suggetions from my second post in this topic.
Added title signifier. ~Tweedy
Statistics: Posted by TheSniperElite — May 17th, 2007, 3:55 am
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